Forgiveness
by blinkblink
Summary: It wasn't until the one minute was up that Ban realized just how badly he had messed up. Of course, by then it was too late.


Disclaimer: I don't own Get Backers or the characters. Please don't sue me. All you'll get is a lot of Easter chocolate.

One day, I swear I'll write a story in which Ban is a happier person. It's just not going to be today.

Notes:

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Sarumashi: Monkey Trainer. Ban's name for Shido. ;; _  
Hebi yarou_: Snake Bastard. Shido's for Ban

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Forgiveness

It wasn't until the one minute was up that Ban realized just how badly he had screwed up. Of course, by then it was too late.

* * *

The job was an easy one. They were to Get Back a stolen briefcase filled with sensitive electronic equipment. The thief who had stolen it from their client had attached a complicated lock which, when tampered with, sent out an electronic pulse strong enough to fry the goods. That wasn't a problem though– all they had to do was get the lock's code out of the thief.

Tracking him down had been simple, and now the three of them– Ban, Ginji and their quarry– stood together in an empty Shinjuku warehouse. Ban had taken a position in front of the exit, while Ginji and the thief stood a few feet apart in the centre of the building facing him. Ban smirked, felt the _jagan_ searching, preparing. Ginji, having been previously warned about this plan, was looking at his feet. The thief, not overly concerned at being cornered by two barely adult boys, slowly scanned his eyes from one to the other, waiting for a move to be made.

Ban felt his pupils contract sharply and, just as his world was splitting into two, one real and one manufactured, Ginji looked up– straight into his eyes. Ban swallowed hard.

Ginji, trapped along with the thief in the _jagan_, looked around at the construct warehouse made exactly the same as the real one. "Why didn't it work, Ban-chan?"

__

Shit. Ginji was stuck, and didn't know it. _If I tell him, I tell the thief too, and there's no way he'll give in to torture he knows is fake_. Still, the situation was easily salvageable. Ban, or rather the replica Ban, sprinted forward and caught the thief by his collar, hoisted him off his feet.

"What's the code?" Ban stared the thief in the eye, allowed a snarl creep into his voice.

The thief smiled into the blue eyes. For a split second, Ban was thrown off-balance, surprised. It was then that Ban remembered he had created this world to be the same as the real one. Everything the thief had in reality, he had here. Including his knife.

The replica had no time to do anything realistic to avoid the knife. Even as Ginji, standing only feet away, started running, the knife was stabbing deep into Ban's chest, pulling upwards with strength that surprised the real Ban. Flesh and muscle tore under it, blood spilling out and soaking the white shirt faster than the eye could follow. Ban's arms dropped limply and the thief fell to his feet, stepped back and pulled the knife with him. It came free from Ban's chest with a sick sucking noise, dripping darkly.

Ginji caught Ban as he fell, brown eyes wider than Ban had ever seen them. Supporting Ban's shoulder with one hand, he pressed the other against the seeping wound, pushed hard. Even as he did, Ban's blue eyes were beginning to dim, blood starting to well up in his mouth.

"Ginji, it's ja..." As red rivers ran down his chin, time ran out for the replica Ban, and his eyes darkened to dusk. 50 seconds left.

"Ban-chan? Ban-chan! Ban-chan! _Ban-chan!_" Ginji shook Ban's shoulders, took his hand from the torn chest and pressed it against the still warm cheek. It left a red handprint, like a child's finger-paint art there, as Ban's head lolled from the pressure. "Ban-chan..." Back and shoulders curving under the weight of his sorrow, Ginji lay Ban's body down on the ground, slowly pulled his hand over the dull eyes. When they were closed, he tenderly wiped the blood off Ban's face with the hem of his shirt.

The real Ban watched, and felt like a voyeur. _You've seen Ginji watch you die before_, he reminded himself. _Yeah, but that was _jagan_-Ginji, doing what you imagined he'd do_, promptly answered a different, more logical part of himself. He watched Ginji stand and turn towards the thief who was now backing towards the door. 30 seconds left.

"You killed Ban-chan." Ginji's voice was calm, collected, and had no trace of emotion. However, the hatred in his eyes more than made up for it.

"Um, yeah, about that..." The thief paused for a second, then spun around, dropping the bloody knife which hit the floor with a clatter, and ran for the door. It was locked, the only change Ban had made in this false world.

Ginji didn't run, but approached with measured strides. "You killed him." Electricity began to appear around him. Reaching the thief, he grabbed him easily, lifted him off the ground with one arm. The electricity turned from blue to white, swirling around him with precision dangerously close to that which only Raitei commanded. 20 seconds left.

"I'll give you the code! It's 512! I swear! Just put me down!" The thief wriggled in Ginji's grasp, dropped the briefcase and began to claw frantically at his gloved hand as the current continued expanding. 10 seconds.

"The code doesn't matter. You don't matter."

7 seconds.

Ginji made a fist and pulled his arm back. Silver lightening danced over it.

5 seconds.

"The only thing that mattered was..."

2 seconds.

The fist began swinging, electricity crackling.

0 seconds.

"_Ban-chan!"_

"Just one minute." Ban's voice was quiet, barely more than a whisper. "You were seeing a dream."

The thief gave a hoarse cry, dropped the briefcase and ran. Neither Get Backer watched him.

"Ban-chan. You're alive." Ginji stared at him with cold eyes. Ban forced himself not to shiver.

"Yeah."

"It was just the _jagan_."

"Yeah."

"I see. I'm ... glad..." Ginji turned and walked past the abandoned briefcase and out the open door, disappeared into the cloud-covered afternoon.

"Ginji! Ginji, wait!" Ban ran to the door, stopped, and looked back at the briefcase. "Dammit!" He walked back, picked it up, then returned to the door. Outside, in the beginning of a rainy evening, Ginji was no where to be seen.

* * *

After delivering the case and collecting payment, Ban parked the car by the warehouse and began wandering Shinjuku. There was no sense in trying to track Ginji; likely as not he was already lost, seeing as he had the directional sense of a compass with a magnet taped on the back. Ban walked the back streets and alleys of Shinjuku for two hours before deciding on a different tactic, and pulled out his phone. Sighing, he punched in a number he had been extremely reluctant to memorize.

"Hello?" Shido picked up immediately. Ban contemplated hanging up, but after a few seconds of internal debate forced himself to answer.

"Yo, _Sarumashi_."

"Damn you, Midou, what the hell did you do?" Shido's somewhat civil tone immediately changed to one of deep-seated loathing.

"What?"

"What the hell did you do to Ginji!"

"Is he there?" Ban breathed a quiet sigh of relief. If Ginji was at Madoka's, all he'd have to do would be drive over and-

"No." Shido's answer was direct, and sharp as glass.

"Then how– " Ban was cut off before he had a chance to finish.

"He _was _here and dammit, _hebi yarou_, whatever the hell you did to him you'd better fix it before I find you because I swear to-"

"When did he leave? Where did he go!" Ban didn't bother to let him finish his threat.

"Midou, if you think I'm going to tell you where– "

"You want me to fix it? Then you'll tell me where he is!" Ban found himself shouting, and growled in irritation. "You know what? Fine. If you want to be an ass, that's just fine." He pulled the phone away from his ear, reached to press the "end" button. He heard Shido shout, put it back to his ear.

"Midou! Look... he left an hour ago. He said he was hungry, was going to go get food at some ramen stand he likes. He might still be there..."

"Okay... _Sarumashi_? Thanks." Ban ended the call and ran back to the car. Luckily the meter-maid hadn't been around, and it was where he left it.

He made it to the ramen stand in record time, and as he was pulling up he saw a blond head duck out from under the curtain. Ban hastily parked the car in an empty space further down the street and sprinted back. He caught Ginji as he was passing an alleyway, which he pulled him into.

"Ginji. We need to talk..." The rest of Ban's sentence trailed off into nothing as he noticed Ginji's eyes, carefully not looking into his own. He grit his teeth and continued. "This afternoon, I..."

"Why didn't you say something, Ban-chan?" Ginji crossed his arms tightly over his chest, hugging them to himself for warmth.

"I couldn't. If I'd said anything that guy would have known, and we'd never have gotten the code." It sounded like a pathetic excuse, even in his ears.

"The code... Did you get the money, Ban...chan?" Something in Ginji's tone made Ban suspect that he wouldn't have tacked on the "chan" if it hadn't been too much of a habit to consider leaving it off.

"Yeah, I got it."

"Was it worth– " Ginji cut himself off before he could finish, and turned away, eyes closed.

"Ginji." Ban reached out, put his hand on Ginij's wet shoulder and pulled him around so that they were facing each other. "I'm sor– "

"Do you know what it's like?" Ginji's eyes flew open and he shifted them so that they looked into Ban's, and Ban noted the lack of warmth there with despair. "Do you know what it's like to watch your best friend die in front of you, with his blood on your hands!"

Ban drew back, surprised, then snapped, "Yes, I do!" As soon as he spoke, Ginji's face sharpened with sudden recognition and his mouth dropped open. His eyes softened and he slumped against the wall.

"Ban-chan, I..."

__

Damn damn damn! Ban turned quickly and stalked out of the alley, his pace dangerously close to running. He heard Ginji calling, sprinting after him. As soon as he turned a corner, Ban broke into a run, allowed himself to flee from his problems, just this once.

* * *

He ended up lying at the end of a deserted alleyway in a puddle. Exhausted, Ban had stopped in to lean against the wall for just a second, which had quickly become to sit against it for a minute, which had then evolved to lying near it until he felt like getting up. He didn't feel like it. He ignored the coldness of the soaked shirt stuck to his back, of the pants plastered to his legs, and tried to concentrate on letting the rain wash away his sins. It wasn't working.

"Dammit." He didn't even have the will to curse anymore. The logical, clinical part of his brain told him he was being apathetic, and pathetically so. The rest of his brain told it to fuck off. As he lay there, he remembered the _jagan_-Ban lying in Ginji's arms, chest soaked with blood, not water. The image slowly faded into one of himself sitting before Yamato, hand covered in his blood. Slowly, that image too faded away, and was replaced by darkness.

In the dark, the sounds of the rain, of the cars outside the alleyway, and of planes flying by overhead disappeared. The only sound was that of his own voice, echoing in the emptiness.

__

Damn, but you're a sadistic bastard, Midou. Just have to hurt everyone you love, don't you? You don't want to suffer all alone, so you use your damn curse to make sure everyone else hurts just as much as you. You deserve to drown in this puddle.

Ban woke with a start to find a rat screeching at him. He glared at it. It snapped its long teeth at him, but retreated behind a pair of tall legs. Ban rolled over slightly onto his back, looked up at Shido.

"Midou. This is pathetic, even for you."

"Well, I'm glad we agree."

"Get up."

"Actually, I'm quite happy down here..."

"Dammit, I know you don't give a shit about almost anything, but don't you have any pride?"

"Sorry, it's out of the building right now." Ban sneered. "Can I take a message."

Shido dropped down like a hawk to kneel before Ban and leant in close, eyes wide and angry. "I don't give a damn about you, but Ginji does, and I don't want him to have to find you lying here like some drunken bum. So get the hell up."

"Ginji? He's here?" Ban began pulling himself up, and stopped dead when something moved behind Shido. Something with blond hair.

"Ban-chan?"

__

Shit. Ban put a hand against the wall and yanked himself up into a sitting position.

"Three words for you. Fix. This. Now." Shido got up, turned and began walking out of the alley. He paused to look at Ginji, who gave him a ghost of a smile.

"Thank you, Shido."

Shido made a noncommittal noise and disappeared into the rain.

Ban had, in this time, pulled himself to his feet, and was leaning back against the alley wall, wringing water out of his shirt tails. Ginji walked over to stand right in front of him, disregarding the fact that this meant standing in an inch-deep puddle. He opened his mouth to say something, but Ban beat him to it, although he never looked up.

"I never wanted you to know." He paused, then continued. "To know what it's like to watch..." He covered the crack in his voice with a cough. "Dammit, Ginji, I'm sorry. I'm sorry as hell, but it's not enough." Ban pulled his head up, and it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. He met Ginji's eyes slowly, braced for the pain he knew seeing Ginji look away would cause.

Ginji didn't. Instead he put both his hands on Ban's shoulders and leant in, so that their foreheads were pressed against each other, and looked Ban fully in the eyes. "It's okay, Ban-chan. I know. I know you didn't want that." He paused, then went on. "Shido said that you're probably really mad at yourself. That you probably think you showed me that on purpose, so that I'd know how you felt when you ... when Yamato-san died."

Ban slumped against Ginji slightly, sighed. "Ginji... he's probably rig– "

"No!" Ginji shook Ban hard, their noses bumping together. "No, he's wrong! Ban-chan isn't like that. Ban-chan wouldn't do that!"

"Ginji, I..."

"Ban-chan. When you realised that I was in the _jagan_, were you happy?" He continued staring into Ban's eyes, meeting them unwaveringly.

"No, of course not."

"And when you knew that you... that you were going to die, were you happy?"

"No."

"And when you saw that I was sad, were you happy?"

"...No." Ban whispered the last denial, such that if Ginji hadn't been standing right up against him he wouldn't have heard it.

Ban let his head slip down slightly, so that he was looking at the ground, slumped further. Ginji reached out and tilted his jaw up so that they were looking at each other again before returning his hand to Ban's shoulder.

"See, Ban-chan? You're not that kind of person." Ginji sounded anxious, and looked it too. His hands tightened on Ban's shoulders, and he pressed his forehead closer to Ban's. "So, please don't run away again. I don't want you to."

"Ginji, what if..." _What if I screw up again?_

"Ban-chan..." Ginji let go of Ban's right shoulder, reached down and found his hand. He pulled it up and held it over his heart. "I trust you."

"Why, dammit! After what I did, how can you still trust me?" The one thing he had never understood about Ginji, and never would, was his trust in others.

"Because you're Ban-chan." Ginji said it with a smile, as though it was the most natural thing in the world. And, to him, it probably was. He gave a small tug on Ban's hand. "C'mon, we should go inside. It's cold out here." He turned, pulled Ban after him. On the way out, Ban slipped in the puddle, floundered for a second but then caught himself against Ginji's shoulder.

"Ginji?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."


End file.
